Stuart Saves Stephen’s Life!

In his own words, Stuart shares how he saved his son’s life. He began implementing this plan when his son Stephen was a junior in high school. It is a remarkable journey that gives hope to all. Today Stephen is flourishing in his masculinity and heterosexuality. This proves without a doubt that people are not born with SSA and change is possible!

When Stephen told me he was gay, I thought that it was not my fault, that genetics was really the problem. I thought I was a good dad. So I didn’t say anything at first. I told my wife what he had said, and for the next few nights she’d cry herself to sleep.

For most fathers, there are probably several ways to look at the problem: (1) ignore it and believe it will just go away; (2) embrace it and join PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays); (3) kick the child out of the house; or (4) find a way to help your child understand what homosexuality is, how it occurs, and how to work with the problem in a loving and caring manner without losing your child.

Now, several years later, I can say I have seen all of the above. I have spoken with parents in the quiet recesses of empty classrooms and at backyard barbecues, and while sitting on benches watching sons and daughters sing and dance. All of them intrinsically know that homosexuality is not genetic, but they don’t know what to do. I was just like them in the beginning. I am good at one thing, and that is planning. But before I planned, however, my wife and I did some research.

We went to the Internet, we went to the library, and we talked. We decided that we would love our son but would not endorse homosexuality or homosexual practices.

I bought every book I could on leaving homosexuality. I book marked every website, and I went to see a psychiatrist. Not Stephen, me. I found a doctor who worked with reparative therapy. Dr. Frank was an older gentleman, with whom I spent three sessions learning to understand my son. He told me what he had counseled other parents to do. He also advised me to deal with my own feelings, which I did.

After that, armed with books, pamphlets, printouts, and most of all prayer, I built a plan to help my son.

I was a lousy Christian. I had read a ton of books, from C.S. Lewis to Os Guiness, but my faith was weak. So, once again my wife and I began to attend church. We studied the Bible and showed our son that faith and belief were part of being a man and part of being a family.

So there I was. I read all the books on SSA that I could get my hands on. I talked things out with my wife. I prayed and thanked God for my wonderful son and family. I spoke with Stephen’s older brother and got his input. I implemented a systematic plan to get my son back. And it worked!

After two years of implementing my plan, I now have a son who no longer spends thirty minutes in front of the mirror or has to have clothes from a particular shop. He now clomps around and acts like a male adolescent seeking his own independence and not like a sulky, sullen kid. He also plays catch with his male friends and dates girls. Real dates, not shopping with the girls, as he used to. He even gets irritated with girls and says, “I don’t get her. She acts so weird.” He also helps around the house, mows the lawn, changes oil in the car, helps hang shelves, and barbecues with me.

How did we do it? The plan we put into practice was based on a few things:

My wife had to go into the background and defer to me. That was probably the hardest part of the plan, because she is strong and willful. She was the head of the household but was willing to abdicate her throne. Easier said than done. But she started saying things like, “Talk to your father first. If he says OK, then it is OK.” She supported my decisions. When I used to say “no,” Stephen would go talk to his mom and she would say “yes.” Well, that became, “If Dad said ‘no,’ well then he’s got his reasons. Did you ask him why he said ‘no’?” And so Stephen would have to come talk to me, and my word would be held up. “No” became “no,” and “yes” became “yes.” In time, when Stephen wanted to do something he would ask me, explain his reasons, and we’d talk. I most often said “yes,” because he was responsible. But I always knew where he was and who he was with.

I asked Stephen to forgive me for not including him in the things I did, and for leaving him out. He forgave me in a very tearful scene. Not easy.

I am a workaholic, and I also like to find quiet time away from everything. I really like to be outdoors. But I cut my work schedule back from 60 hours to 45 hours a week and cut my activities. And I got Stephen a job at the company I worked with so that I could spend time with him on the way back and forth to work. For two years, in the summer, we went to work together ... and we just had regular chats.

I spoon-fed information to Stephen in order to counter the GSA influence and the “innate, immutable” lie. I started by saying, “You know, being gay isn’t genetic. It’s environmental.” Then I would recommend a website to him. Later I would ask, “What do you think?” Usually I’d get, “Well, it was interesting.” And then he’d add, “Well, do you think that change is possible?” I told him, “Yes,” and referred him to websites that contained research that documented change.

I would have these types of conversations with him a couple times a month, but not every day. In other words, “being gay” was not the only point of conversation. I was trying to rebuild my relationship with my son. I also went along with my son to his voice lessons, and he would have to pick me up at the fly fishing shop where I spent an hour or so. I have a great friend there whom I told about Stephen’s SSA and he agreed to help me. So when Stephen came in, this bear of a man would clasp Stephen about the shoulder and ask how his singing went. He, too, used to sing a lot. At first Stephen was a bit uncomfortable, but my friend never relented and in fact, had Stephen baby-sit for his son. He was the first adult male to give Stephen a swat in the butt, I think for good grades.

I also enrolled Stephen’s brother, who started to call and talk to him. Usually just guy stuff. He also started taking him places like batting cages and rollerblading. This was all part of my plan to incorporate trusted friends and family to help my son.

In the beginning Stephen used to hang out with kids from the GSA. When they called, I would not tell him. (So I’m a big meanie here, but Stephen had a lot of schoolwork, outside obligations, and a job as well. We encouraged him to continue to keep his platter full. He still does to this day.) I did not say he could not hang out with these kids. Peer groups can be funny things, and I knew that if I said, “These kids are bad for you,” he’d probably continue to hang with them. So I would answer the phone and tell them he wasn’t home. I encouraged Stephen to see his old friends who were not gay and whose families I had known for a long time. I encouraged the dads of these friends to talk to Stephen and so on. I never told them that Stephen thought he was gay. I just said, “Hey Bob, you’re an accountant. You ought to talk to Stephen. He’s getting ready to look at a job, and maybe he’d like what you do.” So I encouraged a lot of males to start talking to him.

A physical relationship was also in order. I began to give him a hug and a kiss as I dropped him off at school. I used Coming Out Straight as a guide for what was appropriate and when it was appropriate. At first Stephen was a little stand-offish. Now he’s hugging a lot of guys when he says good-bye, and these are straight guys. He has also gotten comfortable playing catch, and while I’d like it if he’d take up fishing, I can wait (I’m an avid fisherman) 

Nowadays, he seeks me out to give me a hug and a kiss goodnight. It’s like he needs to be reassured that this is OK between father and son. I also crack his back, and we rough-house from time to time. He and his brother also wrestle when the older brother is home. All in good fun. But all important. So I yell at them and tell them to knock it off before they tear up the living room. Or to take it outside if they’re going to do that stuff. My wife sits quietly by during these times and later will express her displeasure over these things but knows that they are important. 

One day my wife said to me that Stephen felt I was crowding him, so she asked me to back off. I told her that he’d have to tell me that. To this date he has not said that I’m encroaching on his territory. He does include me in his chats, his feelings, to a degree. My family is not big on discussing feelings, but we do talk about moral choices. About God’s absolute rules. We do discuss issues, and we talk about making good choices.

These were not easy things to do: Asking my wife to take a backseat, cutting my hours, committing time to my son, rebuilding a relationship, and confiding in friends to help. I did make a mistake by asking a girl whom Stephen had told that he was gay if she would talk to me about the issue, because I believed that she could help him become straight. She said that she would never help someone go from gay to straight, because it would harm them, that she supported all forms of human sexuality.1 To which I replied, rather callously, “Does that include pedophilia, bestiality, and all other abnormal sexual behaviors?” I then apologized and said that I would not talk to her about it again. I also told Stephen what had happened and apologized, asking for his forgiveness. It is something I caution all parents against. Be aware of who you talk to, and if possible, never mention this to other teenagers. It is not recommended unless there is some kid that you can trust implicitly.

I also used what I had learned from one of my mentors. I taught Stephen how to use tools, how to make things with his hands, how to mow the lawn, change washers in a faucet, hang shelves. I made myself available to him. I kept all my promises and was there to support all of his activities and to show him that a man can sing and dance and be a man. I supported him in learning to throw and hit a baseball. Just this year we watched a baseball game together. It was really a cool experience. We go to the hardware store and get nuts and bolts for little projects. I taught him how to make scones and other things as well. So I shared some of what I had learned from my mentors. I still can’t get him to go fishing yet! I think this is because of his mom, who for years has harped on my fishing ... well, he might still think that she disapproves.

So at the end of two and half years, what has happened? Stephen is not gay. He has said so. All the gay literature is gone from the house. No gay friends call. He has actually decided not to be in plays and shows, saying he doesn’t need to. He also said that he feels that he likes girls, but not like his friend Tim likes them. Tim has a very steady relationship with a girl, and they are probably sexually active. Stephen has a girl that he likes quite a bit, but he doesn’t want to get too involved. He knows what a morally correct, Christian relationship is, and we encourage him not to get too involved.

He is no longer effeminate. He wears ratty blue jeans, swears on occasion, and lost the girly walk. He calls the GSA group a dangerous crowd, and he’s doing well in school. His older brother says, “Don’t worry, Dad. The plan is working. ... He’s going to be all right.” His brother has come to visit him at school, calls him regularly, and sends him a gift from time to time. Stephen is involved at church, and at school he leads retreats and his new roommates are all jocks of some sort. From basketball to rowing, he’s got three straight guys who whack him on the shoulder, and he whacks them back. His old buddies hang out at the house, and Stephen plays catch with them or goes out to do stuff with them.

My wife likes me to be in charge of things now. I like it, too. Things became more complete when we put the plan into place. It is not easy. It takes love and dedication, and you feel like you’re pouring all of yourself into this child. But in reality, you’re giving this child what they need: a dad, a male presence, a sense of order, a sense of masculinity. You’re helping to make a new man, and it changes you as a person. Some of their “sweetness” rubs off on you, and your maleness flows into them.

I must admit that Stephen is a different person from two and a half years ago. He lounges on the furniture, he gives off the attitude of being the dominant male in the household, he is not so sweet and nice, and in all honesty ... well, at times I miss the “nice, sweet” kid. His mother wants to swat him from time to time, and he and I have our disagreements. He gets kind of lazy about his room and clothes, and things get flung around now. He threw a ball at me from the living room to the dining room, he dresses like a refugee from a thrift shop, and he never wears shoes if he can help it. Instead he prefers a pair of ratty flip-flops. He leaves wet towels lying around, and sits around in his boxers watching Saturday morning cartoons or playing video games.

John & Mary’s Story: A Daughter’s Homecoming

We found out about Sarah’s SSA when she was 14 years old. She returned from college one day and told us she was having an affair with another girl in her youth group. We responded negatively, thinking that homosexuality was worse than murder. We also believed that homosexuality was a choice. We thought she had chosen this herself.

Instead of compassion and sympathy, we responded in judgment. We told her, “You’ll go to hell. This is sinful behavior.” We had various arguments after that. She moved out and closer to the gay community downtown. She felt much better with them. There she was accepted.

We spent four years in that situation. We helped her out financially, but were at odds about everything else. There was no connection. She revealed to us later that she just wanted us to drive down there, especially Mom, and pick her up and take her home. She told us that she had gone through the most brutal experiences of her life while living in the gay community. She said, “Mom and Dad, you threw me to the wolves!” We know that she hasn’t told us everything yet. … She felt abandoned and left alone by the two people she loved and needed the most. She even contemplated suicide but didn’t because she thought it would hurt us too deeply! She was truly a child looking for love in all the wrong places because we didn’t understand her in the ways that she needed at the time. We didn’t love her as God loved her. We told her how we wanted her to be, and how we needed her to conform to our demands. And it sent her straight into the arms of the sad gay world. We would be friendly one minute, then get angry the next and say things like, “Why are you living this horrible lifestyle?” We were critical of her friends and never socialized with them.

Two and half years ago, we were going to buy a house. The spirit of God moved us to ask her if she wanted to live with us. She said she would if her girlfriend could live there, too. Somehow we agreed. That was the beginning of reestablishing our relationship. But it lacked relational substance. We were still locked into the mindset that this was rebellious and chosen behavior. This produced anger and judgment, and caused us to not connect in the ways that she needed. We continued to neglect her essential needs for love.

Our church was very judgmental about homosexuality. We didn’t feel comfortable to speak with anyone about this, so we ended up leaving. We felt alone, in pain and anguish. We quit going to church and tried desperately to find a place where we belonged.

A big break came when her girlfriend charged our credit card for thousands of dollars! Our daughter had the strength to throw her out of the house. We asked Sarah to see a counselor who was a friend of ours from church. She finally agreed to see him once, and then began having regular sessions.

In late 2004, we said we must do something because we were in deep despair. I (Dad) went to my office one Saturday morning. I found in my desk drawer, among a group of papers, a letter to the editor I had kept for years that mentioned homosexuality. I had this piece of paper for so long it had turned brown! I believe this was Divine intervention. In that article it mentioned PFLAG and PFOX. I eventually went to the PFOX website and spoke with Regina Griggs, their national director. She told me about Richard Cohen. That was the beginning of our enlightenment.

Before Christmas of that year, we were going around in circles and getting nowhere. It was hurting our marriage. Our hearts had darkened until we met Richard. Then we participated in the Parents Teleconferencing Classes and attended a Love/Sex/Intimacy (LSI) Healing Seminar. The suffering and pain of the SSA strugglers at that healing seminar opened our eyes. We saw them crying and realized that our daughter felt the same way!

During the past eight months, we have progressed more than in the last six years. Last night, our daughter called saying, “I feel so much pain. Can I come over and share with you?” This would never have happened before. The turning point was realizing the truth about homosexuality. We finally understood that our daughter never chose to have same-sex attraction. We came to realize that SSA resulted from many of her life experiences and perceptions about events.

The truth lifted the veil of ignorance from our minds and allowed our hearts to love our daughter the way that she needed. The truth has set us free. Sarah recently said, “I haven’t felt your love in six years. I feel closer to you now than ever before.”

When we understood that she wasn’t born this way and did not choose to have SSA, we were able to move from anger and judgment to compassion and love. This was the greatest lesson we learned in the Teleconferencing Classes and by attending the LSI Healing Seminar. There we witnessed the wounded hearts of so many men and women who struggle with same-sex attraction. We gained such a greater appreciation for our daughter.

Most of us have been led to believe that people are born gay or lesbian. But this is not true. When we deeply understood this critical point, we began to love our daughter without reservation. Over the past months, we have spent so many days and nights listening to Sarah vent. Saying the magic words, “Thank you, Sarah. Tell us more,” has allowed us to witness the tremendous pain of our daughter. We have gone to hell and back with her, and shall continue to do so as long as necessary. Our daughter is now bonding with us on a daily basis. She attends therapy regularly, and believe it or not, she is dating a fine young man! Yes, she is dating a MAN.

Sarah followed every step in recovery that we had learned. She was a textbook case. She said, “I was receiving emotional gratification from my girlfriend and not you, Mom. I never connected with you.” She was in deep turmoil as she shared these things. We kept repeating, “Thank you, Sarah. Tell us more.” What came out of her mouth was exactly what was taught. She said she felt rejected by me (Mom), and that I had left her all alone. If we had not understood the causes of SSA, and how our daughter’s unique temperament led to her perceptions, we would have been so defensive. But because we did understand that this is how she experienced the past, we could simply say, “Thank you, Sarah. Tell us more.”

We would never have been able to do this in the past. We would have definitely spent the entire time defending ourselves and telling her why she was wrong. We learned how to use the magic words, “Thank you, Sarah. Tell us more,” and they worked! We realized that we couldn’t argue our daughter out of homosexuality. It is an emotionally based condition. It is all about wounds. And without healing, she could not change her behavior. Today, she is healing. She is opening up. She has come a million miles in such a short time. We had a chance to pull her out of this when she first came out to us. If we had known then what we know now, we could have helped her heal and prevented all these miserable things from happening. Because we did not understand the truth about SSA, and how our daughter thinks, we did all the wrong things. We all paid a dear price, she much worse than us. Now, no matter what she does or where she goes, we will love her unconditionally.

We are now involved with our local PFOX chapter and are sharing with them the wonderful things we have learned. We wish to help other parents so they don’t make the same mistakes that we did. We try to impress upon them that they need to go to hell and back with their kids. There is just no other way. This is a battle of love, and whoever loves the most and longest wins!

Now we understand so much more. We love her in different ways. There is both blessing and frustration along the way. We learned to understand our daughter and about others as well. Sarah and everyone with SSA have gone through so much pain. We just want to take it all away. Part of healing is repenting for past mistakes and loving in the present. We cannot change what happened. We can only love our daughter today. We realize that we compounded the problem by judging her when she was down and out. Our true repentance now is to love her more and more each day.

Father-Son Reconciliation

I am returning the materials I borrowed in 2001. So much time has passed since then and so much has happened. When I first came, my son was 13 and his father detested him. Now my son is 15, and his father is his biggest fan.

The turning point for me was reading Coming Out Straight. I have never read anything sadder than that. I shared the info with my husband, and he started making changes in his attitude. He has taken our son on several trips, played sports with him, talked with him, and listened in a non-judgmental way. Most of all, he stopped rejecting him. Now when he looks at our son, it is a look of love, not dissatisfaction. He understands why our son is this way and what can be done to lead him out into the fullness of his person.

Matt & Lisa’s Story: Persistence is the Parent’s Path to Victory

My wife and I are Lutheran pastors. We attended a presentation that Richard made two weeks after our son told us, with much anguish and many tears, that he was attracted to the same sex. Although we believed that people were born that way, we did not want it to be so for him, because of the potential persecution and agony that he would undoubtedly endure in living out his inborn sexuality. But we never admitted to either one of our children that we had not been able to reconcile our belief with the Scriptures.

We went to hear Richard talk about homosexuality. We sat near the back so we could leave “if things got too weird.” His impassioned testimonial about his thirty-year struggle with unwanted same-sex attractions touched our hearts and minds on a level never before experienced. Though we initially squirmed when he said, “No one is born with SSA, and people can change,” this made sense of a lot of what we had experienced as a family while raising our son and our daughter. As we left the hall, we were speechless.

We purchased Coming Out Straight, and that night we went home and haltingly shared this radical new learning with our son. He was furious at our interest in this approach and extremely angry that we would even consider a new direction, but thankfully, he was willing to listen.

My wife and I read the book and found our family’s reality described on most of its pages. How blind we had been! We had all wholeheartedly bought into the “born that way and can’t change” myth. We realized, in fact, that this myth had permeated our seminary education and theological underpinnings. These new ideas challenged that myth. We also discovered a loving truth that accurately makes sense of the Scriptures. We knew that God was indeed a God of love and possibility, and not a God of ignorance or avoidance. We had avoided facing the truth that we could not reconcile with the Scriptures, but we also knew that love was the answer and not prideful judgment or shame. We had been uncomfortable with particular groups, churches, and denominations that had called homosexuality a sin and said that it could be “prayed away.” We knew that wasn’t quite right either.

Although our son was very angry that we had done a 180, he was willing to read the book, and we could tell that he was finding meaning in some of the things that he was reading. Of the ten different potential variables that cause SSA, we realized that we could relate to eight of them. We decided to proceed to the Washington, D.C. area for a family healing session with Richard. We were so grateful that our son was willing to attend. It was one of the most incredible experiences of our lives. Though we have always cared for each other with a fierce love, we realized through attachment therapy that the dynamics of our relationship as husband and wife and pastor and pastor had profoundly affected our children. In particular, it had contributed to our son’s same-sex attraction. Furthermore, some of our wounds and childhood needs were excavated, and we began to see how these influenced our son’s detachment from me and over-attachment to his mother.

I began to come to terms with the fact that I had a distant relationship with my father. Because of that, I tend to remain at a distance or emotionally unavailable. That was my preferred method of coping as a child and later as an adult. My wife realized that she had come from a long line of matriarchs and that, in some cases, men were subtly emasculated. She had also experienced abandonment and rejection issues as a child, which led her to be a needy adult. She realized that she had inadvertently expected our son to take care of some of those needs. Attachment therapy exposed some of our blind spots and changed our lives in ways we never before imagined.

Although it was difficult at first, my wife took a backseat with regard to our family. At times she would be silent at the table, and that allowed my son and me to converse in a way that we had not done before. As for me, I began to concentrate on being emotionally present. I practiced active listening and tried not to react, but rather respond with questions. I realized that it was more important for me to be in relationship with him than to be right all the time. My own heart and self-care have been of foremost importance to the healing process. My inner child was parented in unhealthy ways. Now he is seeking to come out and teach me important lessons. I am learning to more fully celebrate the process of becoming the man God created me to be. My wife is keenly aware of becoming the woman God created her to be as well. We realized that our son’s bravado in sharing his same-sex attraction was the release our family needed to begin the process toward healing and wholeness.

We finally got real with each other, and this allowed our son to begin to express his childhood wounds and unmet needs. He began to share his hell with us. He told us what it was like to sustain peer rejection and criticism. We knew he had a sensitive spirit and that both of our children were confused about male and female gender roles within the family. My wife and I are now taking responsibility for our past failures and our family is much closer to healing and wholeness.

As part of our family treatment plan, I held my son several times a week. Most often, he just sat there, not wanting to be in my presence or arms. But I determined to win him back! In all honesty, it was exhausting. And, there were many set backs along the way. After one year of doing this, he found a boyfriend. So I thought, “OK, this isn’t working.” And I quit holding my son.

After one week he came to me and said, “Dad, I feel so hurt that you gave up on me and stopped the holding.” I was shocked. I was humbled. And I determined not to quit this time, no matter what. And so we resumed our weekly holding sessions. Even though he still had a boyfriend, I fought hard to win him back. In time, that relationship did fall apart.

Our son graduated high school and went on to train with a professional theatrical company. He was steeped in the “gay” world, but extremely unhappy. And then a miracle occurred. He met a wonderful group of men and women from a church that surrounded him with incredible love and affirmation. They invited him to move into a house with other youth group members. And so he did. More and more, while receiving the same-gender peer affirmation and attention he had never experienced in his life, we saw the walls around his heart melting day-by-day. Our son was coming alive, in fact he was blossoming and his faith was rekindled for the first time in years.

Now he is determined to heal from his SSA. He himself requested another family healing session in order to resolve the remaining issues he has with us and within himself. Recently he came home and has been sharing his new found faith and freedom with his close friends. He even stood up during one church service and gave his testimony— making the journey from a broken and wounded adolescent struggling with same-sex attraction, to a strong and committed son of God coming into his power as a man. This new reality is a blessing beyond measure.

A Mother’s Journey

When we were invited to our pastor’s office, we knew our son Andy was having some sort of difficulty with the church he had attended for over twenty years. Andy had been in a Bible study with our pastor. They had memorized chapters of the Bible together and developed a strong friendship. But now we saw a change in Andy’s church attendance, and he no longer attended the Bible study. He seemed to have anger toward the pastor and the church in general.

What we heard that day left us numb with shock and full of confusion. We learned that Andy was involved in a relationship with a young man in the community. Our pastor had tried to help him and had encouraged him to talk to us about the abuse he had suffered at the age of 14 when he spent time with Adam, his youth leader, at Adam’s home. When the pastor asked Andy why he had not told us about the incident, he indicated that he was in some kind of bondage that kept him from discussing it with us. The pastor asked Andy, who is now a policeman, to confront the youth leader, but he did not have the courage to do that.

When, Jim confronted Adam in the pastor’s office, it was one of the hardest things he had ever done. Adam had become Jim’s closest friend over the past fifteen years. The shock of these revelations lasted for more than a year. We made lots of mistakes, but we did some things right, including building a support team to talk to and pray with. Our pastor fasted and prayed with us for forty days. He came to our home often to share and help us through the difficult days.

We learned everything we could about SSA and sex abuse. We attended a Love Won Out conference that helped us, but we needed assistance for our family and ourselves. After counseling with two different therapists, we were thankful to find some real help in the booksComing Out Straight and Gay Children, Straight Parents.For the first time we had questions answered, and we understood more about the incident and how it derailed him on his road to manhood in his early teens. We stopped blaming ourselves and each other, and started working on solving the problem.

One of the most helpful experiences was taking the Parents Teleconferencing Classes. We had had our doubts, but eventually sought counseling from Richard. Jim was a self-proclaimed “homophobe.” As much as he loves our son, he felt he could never accept him as he was. He felt uncomfortable spending time with Andy and his friends. He often felt so discouraged that he struggled with depression. 

I was amazed at Jim’s change of heart after the first session. We found help in many areas, mostly communication with our son.  We learned it was important to listen to our son and ask questions. As part of our homework, we have written a plan for healing for our family and our son. I have a prayer partner who prays with me daily for Andy. We have learned we need to share our experience with friends and family members we trust. We are working on helping Jim and Andy build a strong father-son bond. They are hoping to go to a Father/Son Healing Conference in Baltimore in August.

Andy has come to enjoy his dad’s hugs. Jim is learning to express his love verbally. Andy is once again memorizing Scripture and asks me to pray with him. He is playing hymns on the piano. We continue to visualize him whole and free of SSA. We have a long way to go but no longer feel helpless and out of control. We are able to talk to people about same-sex attachment disorder and help them understand the truth about the problem. We are thankful to God for His leading, and today we are helping a support group in our church for men with SSA.